What I learned from the books of the Upper School Read.

The Alchemist book group at Upper School Read Day

By Zak Rosen '16

A Clockwork Orange: Teenagers don’t like made up words and children young enough to like them SHOULD NOT READ THIS BOOK.

A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: The Universe is suffering and stupidity and we’re going to be blown up by aliens. It will happen.

A River Runs Through It: Fly fishing is a cure for alcoholism and Christianity.

Ashfall: Yellowstone is gonna blow. The end is nigh.

Beautiful Creatures: It really sucks when your crush’s uncle dies bringing you back to life and you don’t know what to say.

Black Like Me: This book was banned and racism is still alive and well.

Brave New World: Iggy Azalea was not born. She was hatched. And industrialism will lead to the downfall of all we call holy.

Dune: This book is responsible for the death of everyone I love in Game of Thrones. And no matter where you are, when you are, there is someone with oil that you want and will kill for.

Fahrenheit 451: START READING YOU FOOLS!

Fangirl: Fan-fiction solves everything.

Friday Night Lights: If you’re good at sports, bribery is an option.

I Am Malala: We are very, very unaccomplished. This girl is braver and more remarkable than I will ever be. She is my new hero. Move over Kennedy.

Into the Wild: The cure for existential dread is to go into the Alaskan wilderness and suffer.

Killer Angels: Not actually about murderous angels. I feel betrayed.

Sarah’s Key: Hiding from the Nazis in the wall is a great idea.

Steve Jobs: Anyone with a sweater and sideburns can be the next tech billionaire.

The Alchemist: When life beats you down, get up. Eventually it will get bored with punching you.

The Art of Racing in the Rain: Mrs. Berard’s dog is objectively the cutest thing at Severn.

The Blind Side: Some people are more frightened of you than you are of them. Some of these people just happen to be big enough to crush you like a soda can.

The Dinner: Everyone is a psychopath. I am a psychopath, you are a psychopath, that homeless person we killed is also probably a psychopath.

The Fault in Our Stars: Follow your dreams, with a conveniently located poster!

The Maze Runner: A group of teenage boys can, surprisingly, establish a Utopian society, complete with murderous demon cows.

The Outliers: A Harvard education is useless and Canada isn’t perfect. My entire life is a lie.

The Uglies: Everyone who told you plastic surgery won’t make you happy was wrong. Everyone.

Where Men Win Glory: The U.S. Government tried to cover something up. Again. Pat Tillman is a wonderful person. R.I.P.

On a serious note: We must read banned books, for if we forget what they hold, the book burners win.