The Mourning Meating: Fellows Program

By: Zachary Rosen '16

Hello students! In light of the recent mini-Fellows presentations at Morning Meeting several weeks back, the Graw Innovation Center would like to announce that, because of a minor tear in the fabric of space and time, several new Fellows projects have recently reached their halfway point despite having not actually existed until the completion of this article. These projects are as follows:

·     One student will be completing a full sized replica of the Eiffel Tower out of ®Popsicle sticks. Students are invited to a popsicle eating party next Tuesday; each student is required to eat 27 million popsicles in order to create enough building material for the project.

·     One student is 3D printing a human soul using the 3D printer that another student is making for his Fellows project.

·     A pair of students are building a tiny house that is bigger on the inside than on the outside; it will contain, among other amenities, an Olympic sized swimming pool, a fifteen-lane bowling alley, a skeet shooting range, assorted fruit orchards, a second Olympic sized swimming pool filled with ®Jello, and a bottomless abyss.

·     One student is summoning . . . something. We aren’t sure what. But the runes are all scrawled on the floor and we’re all really excited to see what happens.

·     One student, inspired by the work of brilliant Serbian composer B.o.B., is attempting to prove that the Earth is flat using a broken acoustic xylophone and some marmalade.

·     One student is attempting to pat his head while rubbing his belly. AT THE SAME TIME.

·     One student has sworn off using vowels for the remainder of high school in order to raise money for and show her solidarity with Bosnian chicken farmers.

These are all the new Fellows projects, and we at the Anchor excitedly wait for next year’s Fellows projects to be revealed. Inquiries should be made to the sad little ghost that haunts the first floor girl’s lavatory.