By: Zachary Rosen '16
Aries: Prepare for battle. Bring knee pads and duct tape. Do not worry about heavy clothing; Argentina is warm this time of year.
Taurus: Congratulations on running your marathon, Taurus. Your brother is very proud of you.
Gemini: You move, slowly but steadily, across the cooling earth, the dried mud and the forms of dying leaves. You crawl without thought and without malevolence. You are a daddy long leg. Take care.
Cancer: Remember to brush your teeth and brush your hair and brush and brush and brush. The underbrush catches fire and the animals run across the savannah. Look at that gazelle go! She’s late for work.
Leo: Be careful. You are being watched. We shall meet under the dying light of sunset beneath the eaves of the Lincoln memorial in three hours. This is of the utmost importance; do not forget.
Virgo: Your fashion sense is impeccable, and you should feel very good about yourself. Also, can I have five dollars... Panera Bread is expensive... I’ll pay you back...
Libra: Are you ok Libra? You look tired. Are you getting those eight hours? You know sleep is very important. Sleep and keeping yourself hydrated. Gatorade®! It’s got electrolytes!
Scorpio: The stars seem to be saying that you shouldn’t try any strenuous activity this week. Also, you did really well on that math test you were worried about. Upper 80s to mid 90s, somewhere in between. The stars aren’t sure.
Scorpio: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233
Sagittarius: Do you know the muffin man? The muffin man? The muffin man? Do you know the muffin man, who lives on dreary lane? Please... I’m begging you. I’ve been looking for him for weeks.
Capricorn: Lobsters make great pets.
Aquarius: Get a hold of yourself. This is no time to be hysterical. Aliens might be invading, but whining won’t do anything about it.
Pisces: Я быстро иссякают идеи . Что я делаю со своей жизнью? Какой смысл в чем больше ?
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